So where was I?

Ah right.

Girls.

Well, I say girls, I mean girl(s). Meaning that there were many girls, but only one that talked to me and didn't slap me in the face.

So I'm on holiday in Italy, with no alcohol, no video games, bitchy relatives and parents not sealed behind the door of justice. Naturally, I'm trying to drown myself in the swimming pool.

Now most people will realise that this is indeed a fruitless endeavour as I'll just go unconscious and float back to the surface. They forget one thing, I can't hear people underwater. Not hearing people is a good thing.

Of course, upon the realisation that death will keep me from WoW I surface. And there I see her, a girl, actually smiling at me.

Now let me give you an idea of what I'd been facing in Italy. Italian chicks are hot, I mean REALLY hot. (Apart from those fat 50 year old Godmother types) Now usually hot girls walking around in skimpy clothes is a good thing, a very good thing. In fact it's something I'd pay to see. However, as you will recall, I am sharing a room with my parents. My parents who insist I take a shower first because I take the least time.

So, I'm completely fucked, or not fucked, depending on how you look at it.

Anyway, so this girl is smiling at me. So, in truely pimping and heroic fashion, I smile back very slightly.

Now usually when I flirt with a girl, something along these lines happen.

1. I quote a video game, she asks me to explain and I go on a long ramble about how the quotation works. Girl walks off.

2. I struggle not to do number 1. and find I have nothing interesting to say.

3. I screw up royally

The girl says "hi."

Panic mode on.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

"Hi"

That went surprisingly well.

So anyway, I start talking to her and it turns out she's not Italian, but English. She's smart, upper middle class and from south London. More importantly, she looked fucking hot in a wet clingy bikini.

Anyway, we seem to have clicked pretty well, more importantly, my parents have no idea of her existence.

Just out of curiosity I ask her what her exams were like and she mentions having an exam AFTER the holiday. In August. Now I'm no super genius but methinks information like this deserves further research.

I ask her where she goes to school.

"King's College" WELL SHIT. Things have taken a turn for the more complicated.

It turns out she's 19 at King's College London. Not a bloke, going to our school.

Now, I'm about to feign being a student and attempt to get some hot 2 years above me action, Ed Hebbourn style when my cousin shows up.

Goddamn.

"So Raj, you worried about your AS results, you know, because you're still in the 6th form. I mean those ASes are pretty easy if you ask my awesome self."

For the rest of the holiday I have to put up with my cousin attempting to flirt with her and her giving me accusing looks every time we crossed paths.

She ended up going out with one of the waiters.

My swimming pool induced suffocation made the rest of the holiday pass a lot faster.