I'm just a sexy Kurt. I'll make your ankle hurt.

Hands off the merchandise.

Woo

I approve of this man

Zero frickin' punctuation

I'm sorry to interrupt my little PAX rant.

I just had the single scariest and most elaborate dream of my life. I was aware I was dreaming the entire time, but I kept myself asleep to see what would happen.

So I'm in a shopping centre, it's not confirmed which one it is, but I'm thinking Centre Court from the layout. And things are fine, I'm enjoying myself, when suddenly I'm grabbed.

Things go fuzzy from there, I'm aware I've been taken somewhere and I'm aware that a syringe has been stuck in me.

I wake up and it's night and I'm in the shopping centre. I don't understand what exactly's happened, but as I'm trying to get home I'm coughing and feeling really odd. It gets so bad that when I do get home, I'm struggling to stand.

My father, who looks nothing like my real dad, but who is my father by the dream's definition, immediatly grabs me upon seeing this and lays me down on the couch. I can't really resist, I'm hurting too much. He lights a flame and puts it near my skin, it burns, but then I see it, 3 growths travel down my veins to the point where the flame is. They also are agonisingly painful.

It then emerges that my father has a rather sharp piece of glass which he uses to pierce my skin, at which point purple, worms, for lack of a better name, fall out.

He doesn't explain how he knew what the problem was, he just tends to my wound and leaves. At this point I'm thinking that in this reality my mother is already dead.

So the next day my wound has miraculously healed into a nasty scar and I go back to the shopping centre with my friends. It would seem that Mara and Rae are amongst them as is Ed.

Except there isn't much of the shopping centre, or the area around it left.

We don't understand why, but people everywhere have had the same symptoms as me. Some have even gone so far as to attack us.

Ones who've been bitten, who remain as zombie-esque lackeys and ones who've been "wormed" who retain their intelligence but have the same sense of bloodlust. But these wormed ones are far rarer and seem to have banded together.

At some point in the day's investigations, Ed has died. I recall it being rather tearful, but I can't remember the details. Rae has gone missing during the day as well and numerous other friends who I don't remember have also fallen.

My father reappears, but he seems to be sluggish, he has the symptoms of being wormed. But we don't have a lighter or anything so we can't do anything about it. Instead, we figure we need to bite off the snake's head and strike at the place where the people who've been wormed are.

The details of the battle are sketchy, we're sneaking up on the 'wormed' base and notice they have explosives, if we can set those off, we can kill all of them in one fell swoop. Of course, whilst we're sneaking up, my father coughs and alerts them to our presence.

As it emerges, we do successfully set off the explosives, but only Mara and I seem to make it out alive. I'm left, clutching my own father and watching him die.

Yet we set off again, as it appears, we have killed off the majority, probably all the wormed people. But normal zombies haven't been slowed down at all, in fact they're spreading. Somehow, we get outside the city to find a military base setup on the outside.

Of course, this isn't your average army base, because of the droves of civvies looking for shelter a deranged game has been thought up. Those who survive get in. Of course, we had no idea about this and walk in, whereupon Mara and I are seperated. We're both rather upset about this seeing as to our knowledge all our other friends are dead.

Seeing the posters around the camp, I catch on and claim that Mara is my wife. That way only I have to take the test as opposed to both of us.

You literally have to just follow the instructions on the signs and not die. I understand this is a way to test how well people follow orders and promptly succeed.

Of course the sergeant in charge doesn't like the look of a scrawny guy such as myself, trips me and makes one more stipulation, I have to do a push up with him standing on my back otherwise I will be thrown out.

There's no way I can do this, but I struggle anyway, just as I'm about to give up, I hear a familiar voice and the sergeant is distracted. Whilst this happens I make myself as unstable as possible and put everything into a last push. It tosses him off me and I'm safe.

As it turns out the voice belonged to Carl, who'd got into the camp earlier in the day and is now giving out supplies. And I'm happy to see Mara coming up to me laden with supplies, for some reason we have a squeegee which we are particularly pleased with.

We realise we haven't eaten for about half a day and go to the kitchens. As it emerges Rachael survived contrary to what we thought and is at work here. We eat and are enjoying ourself in the base. For all of 5 minutes.

Word gets through as do pictures on the videoscreen that the zombies have assembled an army of some sort and have broken through the defences on the south side.

Somehow, Carl, Rachael, Mara and myself manage to steal a car and drive it out the base, just as the zombies are on us. The car has about 4 hours of fuel left on it and we make it to a largish city to the north and stop by a grand looking hotel.

As it would seem, this is where the prime minister and the cabinet have taken up as residence, though at first we don't know why.

As it happens the hotel has 10 floors, but only 8 are accessible by lift. To get to the 10th floor you must use stairs, making it much easier to defend.

When we get into the hotel the 8th floor is filling up very quickly, but we find a maintenance lift which we use to get there. For some reason it occurs to us to check in on the other floors, somehow, zombies are already there.

We get to the 8th floor and realise that the area's meant to have some sort of temple there. I'm guessing the hotel was owned by Buddhists or Sikhs.

There's a preacher up at the temple and we take a little time to listen to him. Apparently for whatever religion he is, there was a prophecy that god would send down a great upheaval and it would last a day before changing the face of the world forever. It was called the Red Doom.

Carl latches onto this idea, stating that it's been almost 24 hours since the plague started, so it would end soon

Of course, I know better, to my knowledge the plague's been going on for at least 2 days if not more. But I reason that the destruction of the wormed might be something to do with this prophecy.

It's at this point I have a premonition, I see one of the zombies, attaching a tag for hotel staff to his coat, smiling and getting on the lift. And I am out of there like a flash, I find the maintenance lift again and leave to the sounds of the screams of people behind me.

It's by this point I'm pretty distraught, as I scramble out the hotel, I realise that not only are my friends dead, I left them to die out of fear instead of helping them. Not only that, the zombies are becoming smarter.

I have literally noone left in the world, but I keep running from the hotel, hoping the zombies don't find me. It's at this point I see another guy running away, holding a package of some sort, he sees me and runs next to me. Apparently he was at the same hotel, but got out by pretending that he was infected and the pack of supplies was his baby.

A car screeches to a halt next to us and in a flash I'm with some strangers, driving away from the city. We go up into the hills nearby and get out of the car.

The guy with the supplies says, "For the past 48 hours, I've been running away, no end in sight, no end to the madness. I'm tired of being scared, I'm tired of hoping they won't find me, I'm tired of running away."

A car pulls up behind us.

The dream ends.

I scare myself, I really do.

Ladies and Gentlemen

I'm actually happy.

What the fuck?

I just went on the greatest holiday of my life, to a gaming convention known as PAX.

That's right kids, I travelled across an Atlantic Ocean to get there. To my knowledge, we 4, (Mara, Carl, Ed and myself) were the people who'd come the farthest to be there. I'm that freakin' hardcore.

So I should probably describe the trip there.

The trip there was shit. 8 hour delays, there was a freakin' TORNADO at O'hare airport. Yes that's right, a tornado. So, United basically are retards. Here is a point, I think everyone must remember. Unless you're some dual passport idiot, *cough* Mara *cough* you cannot under any circumstances get through U.S customs in half an hour. Period. It took us 55.

For the record, United delayed our flight by a half hour and had given us one and a half hours to transfer.

G fuckin' g

In any case, we arrived at our hotel at 11 pm. I could have gone to sleep, instead I played Starfox. Starfox is freakin' epic, with the flying and the lazers and the pew pew and the BOMBS BITCH, FUCKING BOMBS. WHAT YOU GONNA DO NOW? HUH? HUH?

I take my Starfox seriously.

Realising that it was now half past twelve I forced myself away from the starfox and went into a Slippy filled sleep.

I didn't just write that.

1... 2.... IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THE ROCK COUNTS TO THREE.

Yes ladies and gentlemen.

I'm lazy as hell.

Batista has plenty of time.



Plenty of time.

On the grounds that someone who isn't someone I know read my blog and liked it, I'm back.

Alright, I'm back, but I'm lazy as ever.

Yes, I have exams I should be revising for, there are women that should be sucking my cock, when they do so, I shall revise.

I am posting because of something absolutely legendary I was linked to by a friend.

Eveline!

Seriously, this guy deserves a medal, or three, or perhaps 42. (Bonus points if you get the reference)

In other news, the computer's going to the shop to get mega upgrades. My parents are completely convinced that these upgrades are absolutely necessary for the basic workings of my computer.

Yes I certainly need 2 gigs of RAM and a pimped out graphics card to run Word. I certainly don't need it to play WoW, nope, never.

So all in all, I am a happy panda. If by happy you mean moderately satisfied. If by moderately satisfied you mean irritated. If by irritated you mean fucking pissed off that the IB guys are busy having buttsecks whilst I am stuck with my exams finishing in a month's time.

Those women still haven't come to suck my cock yet...