A Nerd's Life

2007-11-23T02:09:00.000Z

I'm just a sexy Kurt. I'll make your ankle hurt.

Hands off the merchandise.

Woo

2007-09-15T12:22:00.000+01:00

I approve of this man

Zero frickin' punctuation

2007-09-05T12:28:00.000+01:00

I'm sorry to interrupt my little PAX rant.

I just had the single scariest and most elaborate dream of my life. I was aware I was dreaming the entire time, but I kept myself asleep to see what would happen.

So I'm in a shopping centre, it's not confirmed which one it is, but I'm thinking Centre Court from the layout. And things are fine, I'm enjoying myself, when suddenly I'm grabbed.

Things go fuzzy from there, I'm aware I've been taken somewhere and I'm aware that a syringe has been stuck in me.

I wake up and it's night and I'm in the shopping centre. I don't understand what exactly's happened, but as I'm trying to get home I'm coughing and feeling really odd. It gets so bad that when I do get home, I'm struggling to stand.

My father, who looks nothing like my real dad, but who is my father by the dream's definition, immediatly grabs me upon seeing this and lays me down on the couch. I can't really resist, I'm hurting too much. He lights a flame and puts it near my skin, it burns, but then I see it, 3 growths travel down my veins to the point where the flame is. They also are agonisingly painful.

It then emerges that my father has a rather sharp piece of glass which he uses to pierce my skin, at which point purple, worms, for lack of a better name, fall out.

He doesn't explain how he knew what the problem was, he just tends to my wound and leaves. At this point I'm thinking that in this reality my mother is already dead.

So the next day my wound has miraculously healed into a nasty scar and I go back to the shopping centre with my friends. It would seem that Mara and Rae are amongst them as is Ed.

Except there isn't much of the shopping centre, or the area around it left.

We don't understand why, but people everywhere have had the same symptoms as me. Some have even gone so far as to attack us.

Ones who've been bitten, who remain as zombie-esque lackeys and ones who've been "wormed" who retain their intelligence but have the same sense of bloodlust. But these wormed ones are far rarer and seem to have banded together.

At some point in the day's investigations, Ed has died. I recall it being rather tearful, but I can't remember the details. Rae has gone missing during the day as well and numerous other friends who I don't remember have also fallen.

My father reappears, but he seems to be sluggish, he has the symptoms of being wormed. But we don't have a lighter or anything so we can't do anything about it. Instead, we figure we need to bite off the snake's head and strike at the place where the people who've been wormed are.

The details of the battle are sketchy, we're sneaking up on the 'wormed' base and notice they have explosives, if we can set those off, we can kill all of them in one fell swoop. Of course, whilst we're sneaking up, my father coughs and alerts them to our presence.

As it emerges, we do successfully set off the explosives, but only Mara and I seem to make it out alive. I'm left, clutching my own father and watching him die.

Yet we set off again, as it appears, we have killed off the majority, probably all the wormed people. But normal zombies haven't been slowed down at all, in fact they're spreading. Somehow, we get outside the city to find a military base setup on the outside.

Of course, this isn't your average army base, because of the droves of civvies looking for shelter a deranged game has been thought up. Those who survive get in. Of course, we had no idea about this and walk in, whereupon Mara and I are seperated. We're both rather upset about this seeing as to our knowledge all our other friends are dead.

Seeing the posters around the camp, I catch on and claim that Mara is my wife. That way only I have to take the test as opposed to both of us.

You literally have to just follow the instructions on the signs and not die. I understand this is a way to test how well people follow orders and promptly succeed.

Of course the sergeant in charge doesn't like the look of a scrawny guy such as myself, trips me and makes one more stipulation, I have to do a push up with him standing on my back otherwise I will be thrown out.

There's no way I can do this, but I struggle anyway, just as I'm about to give up, I hear a familiar voice and the sergeant is distracted. Whilst this happens I make myself as unstable as possible and put everything into a last push. It tosses him off me and I'm safe.

As it turns out the voice belonged to Carl, who'd got into the camp earlier in the day and is now giving out supplies. And I'm happy to see Mara coming up to me laden with supplies, for some reason we have a squeegee which we are particularly pleased with.

We realise we haven't eaten for about half a day and go to the kitchens. As it emerges Rachael survived contrary to what we thought and is at work here. We eat and are enjoying ourself in the base. For all of 5 minutes.

Word gets through as do pictures on the videoscreen that the zombies have assembled an army of some sort and have broken through the defences on the south side.

Somehow, Carl, Rachael, Mara and myself manage to steal a car and drive it out the base, just as the zombies are on us. The car has about 4 hours of fuel left on it and we make it to a largish city to the north and stop by a grand looking hotel.

As it would seem, this is where the prime minister and the cabinet have taken up as residence, though at first we don't know why.

As it happens the hotel has 10 floors, but only 8 are accessible by lift. To get to the 10th floor you must use stairs, making it much easier to defend.

When we get into the hotel the 8th floor is filling up very quickly, but we find a maintenance lift which we use to get there. For some reason it occurs to us to check in on the other floors, somehow, zombies are already there.

We get to the 8th floor and realise that the area's meant to have some sort of temple there. I'm guessing the hotel was owned by Buddhists or Sikhs.

There's a preacher up at the temple and we take a little time to listen to him. Apparently for whatever religion he is, there was a prophecy that god would send down a great upheaval and it would last a day before changing the face of the world forever. It was called the Red Doom.

Carl latches onto this idea, stating that it's been almost 24 hours since the plague started, so it would end soon

Of course, I know better, to my knowledge the plague's been going on for at least 2 days if not more. But I reason that the destruction of the wormed might be something to do with this prophecy.

It's at this point I have a premonition, I see one of the zombies, attaching a tag for hotel staff to his coat, smiling and getting on the lift. And I am out of there like a flash, I find the maintenance lift again and leave to the sounds of the screams of people behind me.

It's by this point I'm pretty distraught, as I scramble out the hotel, I realise that not only are my friends dead, I left them to die out of fear instead of helping them. Not only that, the zombies are becoming smarter.

I have literally noone left in the world, but I keep running from the hotel, hoping the zombies don't find me. It's at this point I see another guy running away, holding a package of some sort, he sees me and runs next to me. Apparently he was at the same hotel, but got out by pretending that he was infected and the pack of supplies was his baby.

A car screeches to a halt next to us and in a flash I'm with some strangers, driving away from the city. We go up into the hills nearby and get out of the car.

The guy with the supplies says, "For the past 48 hours, I've been running away, no end in sight, no end to the madness. I'm tired of being scared, I'm tired of hoping they won't find me, I'm tired of running away."

A car pulls up behind us.

The dream ends.

I scare myself, I really do.

2007-08-30T23:06:00.000+01:00

Ladies and Gentlemen

I'm actually happy.

What the fuck?

I just went on the greatest holiday of my life, to a gaming convention known as PAX.

That's right kids, I travelled across an Atlantic Ocean to get there. To my knowledge, we 4, (Mara, Carl, Ed and myself) were the people who'd come the farthest to be there. I'm that freakin' hardcore.

So I should probably describe the trip there.

The trip there was shit. 8 hour delays, there was a freakin' TORNADO at O'hare airport. Yes that's right, a tornado. So, United basically are retards. Here is a point, I think everyone must remember. Unless you're some dual passport idiot, *cough* Mara *cough* you cannot under any circumstances get through U.S customs in half an hour. Period. It took us 55.

For the record, United delayed our flight by a half hour and had given us one and a half hours to transfer.

G fuckin' g

In any case, we arrived at our hotel at 11 pm. I could have gone to sleep, instead I played Starfox. Starfox is freakin' epic, with the flying and the lazers and the pew pew and the BOMBS BITCH, FUCKING BOMBS. WHAT YOU GONNA DO NOW? HUH? HUH?

I take my Starfox seriously.

Realising that it was now half past twelve I forced myself away from the starfox and went into a Slippy filled sleep.

I didn't just write that.

2007-08-18T22:27:00.000+01:00

1... 2.... IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THE ROCK COUNTS TO THREE.

Yes ladies and gentlemen.

I'm lazy as hell.

2007-07-15T17:25:00.000+01:00

Batista has plenty of time.

Plenty of time.

2007-06-06T20:05:00.000+01:00

On the grounds that someone who isn't someone I know read my blog and liked it, I'm back.

Alright, I'm back, but I'm lazy as ever.

Yes, I have exams I should be revising for, there are women that should be sucking my cock, when they do so, I shall revise.

I am posting because of something absolutely legendary I was linked to by a friend.

Eveline!

Seriously, this guy deserves a medal, or three, or perhaps 42. (Bonus points if you get the reference)

In other news, the computer's going to the shop to get mega upgrades. My parents are completely convinced that these upgrades are absolutely necessary for the basic workings of my computer.

Yes I certainly need 2 gigs of RAM and a pimped out graphics card to run Word. I certainly don't need it to play WoW, nope, never.

So all in all, I am a happy panda. If by happy you mean moderately satisfied. If by moderately satisfied you mean irritated. If by irritated you mean fucking pissed off that the IB guys are busy having buttsecks whilst I am stuck with my exams finishing in a month's time.

Those women still haven't come to suck my cock yet...

2007-02-18T11:37:00.000Z

You know you're in India when:

1. Your plane bounces 3 times on landing.
2. The girl who's been crying all trip stops crying, looks outside, realizes she's in India and starts crying again.
3. You're not the only person who looks like a terrorist.

Good times.

2007-02-15T18:34:00.000Z

Alright, so I said I'd update on Valentine's.

You know what? I lied. So sue me.

I spent yesterday with a very special friend of mine. She's been with me for a good 2 years now and while we have our ups and downs in the end we give each other what we really need. My computer and I have never been happier and yesterday I gave her as much attention as always.

Most of the rest yesterday was spent resenting the existence of all people who are in a stable relationship. Actually screw that, in a relationship at all.

Part of the problem with Valentine's day is simple. While it's great for couples, for people as hopeless with the opposite sex as myself, well, it just makes us feel shitty for an entire day as we are taunted by all the roses and hearts and frilly pink coloured shit. Hell, there was even a Valentine's day celebration in World of Warcraft. Blizzard, understand this. At least 50% of the people playing WoW do NOT have girlfriends.

So whilst playing WoW I was not only constantly irritated by the lag I've been getting for the past few days but also by the people desperately trying to complete the Valentine's day quests.

Frankly, the lag was more irritating, especially after I took some time to research the reason why I've been getting it. Blueyonder changed into Virgin broadband. Virgin has decided to go rout my broadband to SWEDEN then back to Paris for WoW.

Richard Branson. Go and fucking die in a damn hole, you are killing the thing which keeps me going every day.

So yes, Valentine's day was as crap as ever. I say this because it would've been horrific had it not been for Ed, who sent me a Valentine. Ed, you saved my day.

In other news, Snoop Dogg has decided that pink is the new pimp.

Sadly, that is the end of my rant as I expect little Alex is going to kill me for lying to her.

As a last thought. In the end, it doesn't matter because the whole universe is going to die

P.S Bitches don't know bout my additional pylons

2007-01-13T17:23:00.000Z

A solution to my problems has revealed itself.

Problems? What problems?

2007-01-13T00:51:00.000Z

Hold on, I'm using this blog to post about my thoughts that aren't horrifically nerdy.

Shit, this can only mean one thing.

Quasi, demi emo post coming up.

I apologise profusely, so so profusely.

So as many (read all) of the people who read my blog will know I didn't get into Cambridge.

I'm fine with this, I wasn't good enough on the day, I didn't get in, simple story really. Yet over the past few weeks something's been eating at me and it isn't that metroid I released earlier. I finally understood this today when, 4 days before my statistics exam, having got 63% in an FP (further pure) 1 mock with the real exam in a mere 2 weeks, I just stopped working. I know from all the years of exam cramming I've done that this is when I'm meant to be working my hardest. But I just stopped. I didn't just stop working, I just stopped giving a crap any more.

I just sat there and asked myself why I was doing all of this.

I then played WoW and WC3 for about 4 hours because this question was difficult.

Then I thought about it again. I concluded very simply that I now have no incentive to do any work for the rest of the year. For the 11 years I've been in Kings before exams I killed myself at exam time working as hard as possible and for what? In the end, the goal was to get into Oxbridge which I failed at magnificently.

What's the point in working hard any more? The max offer I'm likely to get is 3 As. I already have one, need 60% in economics for another and need 70% in either maths or chemistry for the last. To put this in perspective my entire life I've been brought up to think that below 70% is a failure. I sound like an arrogant shit, but my parents are Asian, this is the belief they've instilled in my very being. Yet if I work the way I have been doing I'll fall short of even these.

What's really eating me up is that I know full well that what I'm thinking is wrong. I should work hard no matter what if only for my own peace of mind. But I just feel such apathy. I already worked hard, I already proved time and again that I can live up to my own expectations, go beyond them if need be. I don't need to prove it to myself again. Whatever drive I had there just seems to have evaporated and I feel I've got no incentive to work, even though I know I have to.

So to conclude. When I think over things logically I have nothing to be upset about, nothing that I haven't resolved or thought about. Yet, I've just stopped caring and working, even though I know full well that it's wrong and bad for me to do that. For once in my life I've found a problem that video games aren't going solve, ignoring isn't going to make go away and I'm rather confused. Frankly I don't like it.

Once again, I apologise for the general emoness of the post. Venting like this might help me understand what's going on in this stupid little head of mine.

Flame away!

2007-01-09T18:59:00.000Z

Word has come from the internets, I rule.

Anyway, since I can't be arsed to do a proper update I shall distract you with videos.

Yes, it's the damn sequel to 9000

I hope my body can take it

Youtube has triumphed once again. Watch for RPG related insanity and Flammie

More WoW related hilarity... well actually more everything related hilarity.

Why 11 year olds should not raid

It's fairly long so get something to read while you listen.

Goldeneye makes its triumphant return.

Finally, in true Kilik style KATZ.

2006-12-25T10:32:00.000Z

It's Christmas day today.

You know what that means?

Yes that's right kids, a full blog update!

Now I bet some of you are wondering why I'm updating now when I should be full of festive cheer and such.

Here is the essential problem with Christmas. Christmas forces me to spend "quality time" with my parents. Do you know what this means? Yes that's right, my parents pass the door of justice more times than on any other day of the year. And you know what this means? Yes that's right, no drinking myself into oblivion. This is a BAD thing.

But it does mean that my blog gets updated, restoring meaning to your insignificant little lives. Aren't you happy?

So anyway, I was asked by a friend of mine, just after he'd read the blog for the first time if I was as bad with girls as I claimed.

Two words for you.

Fuck yes.

Or perhaps, "lack of fuck," yes would be more appropriate.

But Raj you'll all shout, how can a confident, good looking guy such as yourself have trouble with women.

Well, it's a rather simple problem. So simple that I shall put it in Venn diagram form! (Ph34r t3h 1337 M4+h5 5KI115)

That's double maths well learned.

So, you may ask, what about girls that don't fall into every one of these categories? Why don't you go after them? Well the reason for 3 of said "circles" should be obvious. Nerdy girls however, that's an interesting one.

Here is the problem with flirting with or in my case failing with a non-nerdy girl. I've played games my whole life. While you were off buying MP3 players or playing sport I couldn't because my money and time were already being spent elsewhere.

It's the reason I rule so hard at games. It's not because you guys suck at them... well you really do but that's only because you're n00bs (Mara your Streetfighter wins were LUCK). However, aside from that, it's because I've played games all my life.

Girls who aren't nerds don't understand games, or geeky jokes, or what broadband is.

This leads me to a problem.

"So what kind of music do you like?"

Well shit.

For those that don't know, my music collection is tiny as I can't listen to music whilst I play WoW, as it puts too much strain on my CPU.

Here are my choices: Comedy rock, game music, wrestler's theme tunes.

Here are my choices which aren't horrifically nerdy:

If somehow I manage to dodge this silver bullet, we get onto the second problem.

"What sports do you play?"

The only sport I take part in is swimming. Here is the problem with swimming, it's essentially a guy swimming up and down a pool lots of times. You know what the problem with this is? It's possibly the most boring thing in history.

By this point any sane girl will have walked off.

But the crazy ones might keep at it, asking me about other mundane things.

I know nothing of mundane things except their gold piece cost in dungeons and dragons.

So to conclude. I am horrible with girls, it's not their fault. If I said that it was because they didn't see the glowing person inside I'd be some emo fag. Nerdery is all I have and while I'm incredibly good at it (good enough to make you worship my splendour) it makes talking about other, idiotic and pointless things, a helluva lot more difficult.

Merry Christmas (Which apparently is offensive to me. PC expressing my opinion instead of me! w00t!)

2006-11-26T12:42:00.001Z

As always, I'm a lazy, lazy boy. So this post is about a week too late. I blame all of you.

So last Sunday I went to see the new Bond film. Kudos to Mara for organising the entire thing and getting tickets in advance. The fact that she bought one less ticket may be ignored. In fact, it won't be ignored. Just so you know Mara, 1+1=2, not 1. Owned by maths. (In all seriousness thanks for organising stuff)

After standing in line for 5 whole minutes, 5 minutes I won't get back. I managed to get a ticket in the front row, where thankfully everyone was to begin with. And after displacing little Ed, I even managed to get a decent seat. Barging for the win. I hope you'll forgive me Ed. Because if you don't...

After yelling, "Start the movie!" at the trailers, I noticed that the Orange Execs phone tirade has been replaced by some crap about the New York blackout. Everyone, everyone, you know what I don't care about? New Yorkers sleeping. Why? Because it's dull. You know what I do care about? Orange execs annoying the hell out of famous movie directors. Why? Because it's funny as hell.

So anyway, onto the Bond film. Now, here's the thing. I go to a Bond film with certain expectations. These expectations are explosion filled. That's explosion E-X-P-L-O-S-I-O-N.

I even provided a friggin' picture.

Here's the thing. There were no explosions. Well there was one really shitty gas canister explosion near the beginning, but that didn't even kill anyone. You know what replaced the explosions? Some shitty rom com involving Bond and a chick from the treasury. If I wanted to see a rom com I would've wasted my hard earned money (I say hard earned, more hard conned from my parents) on some crappy film like "The holiday." I did not enter the cinema to see

(Verily this hath been shopped)

Seriously, Bond is meant to be a hard man, yet this film had shit where he tells a girl he loves her. The entire freakin' point of Bond is that he can't open out to a girl like that because of the death of his first wife. And can you note the inconsistencies here. In Goldeneye Bond condemns his best friend to death by setting the timers forward, in this one he goes psycho over the death of some girl who for all he knows has willingly betrayed him and the British government. If you want to portray Bond as a cold killer through the entire film at least try not to invalidate the point by some retarded drowning scene near the end. The only other film where Bond gets that upset over a girl is OHMSS and that's his damned wife and that film was crap anyway.

Also it never struck me at the time, but what happened to the gadgets? Q was not even mentioned in this film. The closest thing to a gadget that appeared was a completely NORMAL mobile phone. What happened to the brilliant remote controlled car, hell even the laser watch from Goldeneye would've been a nice addition.

Hell, there wasn't even an evil boss. Just some idiot who cries blood and he doesn't even get killed by Bond. Every other damned Bond film has the ultimate bad guy either get killed by Bond or get away and laugh maniacally. Here you don't even see the guy get shot!

And if people are going to rant on about how this Bond film is meant to be more like the Connery ones I've got a newsflash for you. Connery had gadgets, Connery had explosions, Connery killed the evil boss and damnit Connery was a womanizing bastard, not some idiot who tells a girl he loves her after all of 30 seconds.

Sony, next time you make a Bond film, try not to let the PS3 radiation get to it.

It just occured to me that I should mention Game On.

Simply put, Game On rules, go see it in the science museum or suffer my wrath.

2006-11-17T23:04:00.000Z

As I am lazy I am instead of making a real post, going to divert you with videos. Videos of happiness.

1. IT'S OVER NIIIIINE THOUSAND!!!!!!!11111oneoneoneonehundredandeleven

2. Jericho and The Rock have an insult contest
(part 2)

For those that don't know, this was back in the golden age of the WWE. The girl standing is called Stephanie Mcmahon, she is the daughter of the boss of the company. At the time of this however, she is feuding with her father and the WWE in general, with her contingent of wrestlers (including Rhyno, who's special is the gore). Her brother is called Shane Mcmahon and he is allied with the big black dude (Booker T) in the ring, among other people. Booker is not all that smart.

3. Hi, what's your name?

In other news, I got promoted in the army, WOOOO! Have that stupid elder cousin! I rule so hard! (Note the fact that I am still 3 ranks lower than him is irrelevant)

More importantly, I got promoted in my WoW guild. This means that I'll be spending even more time playing WoW. I guess I'll just have to take time off from my free time to play more. A level rules.

2006-11-06T22:58:00.000Z

A few things to say:

1. I am friggin lazy.

2. Little Alex is threatening me.

3. ORGASM NOW!

Seriously, how much does twilight princess rule. I swear to god if I don't get a Wii on release some cute animals WILL die. I'm thinking kittens.

I feel that over the past few posts you've gotten to know me and so I want to let you a bit deeper into my life. Allow me to introduce a very special person, who holds a space in my heart, my other half if you will:

This is Daynadin, my dwarf hunter. There are many others like him, but this one is mine. Without me my hunter is nothing, without my hunter I am nothing.

Also note that his sword is bigger than him, he rules that friggin hard.

So during my grind from 1-60 all those months ago, I eventually wound up swearing that I would never willingly go to a 5 man dungeon in WoW again.

For some reason, some reason beyond my comprehension, at the moment possession by demons seems to be the likely cause. A week ago I went back of my vow.

I decided to do a Stratholme run with a Pick Up Group. For the non-WoW versed, Stratholme is a dungeon full of zombies and evil undead, a Pick Up Group or PUG is a group of random players who band together to do the dungeon.

PUG also means shit.

Again, I think I was possessed by demons. In fact, demons wouldn't be capable of this evil, possessed by the devil probably.

So we walk in, the group composition, rather oddly isn't that bad, warrior, priest, druid, mage and my hunter. Of course my hunter is a dude running around in full epics, these idiots were running around in rusty armour they got from their mother's leavings.

So we walk into the dungeon.

Warrior: I ATTACK NOW!
Me: Dude, I'm the hunter, I have really long range stuff so we can fight our targets here as opposed to inside the zombie filled buildings.
Warrior: I ATTACK NOW!

The warrior proceeds to charge in, typically we don't just get the enemies we were targetting but their angry zombie friends as well. Somehow, we manage to survive. Partly due to the fact that I can kill an entire group of them with about 2 heals. Actually screw partly, MAINLY due to the fact that I can kill an entire group of them with about 2 heals.

Mage n Priest: Wait for our mana please.
Warrior: I ATTACK NOW!
Me: Not yet!
Warrior: *charge*

The warrrior dies within 2 seconds, the rest of the party calmly leave the instance.

Warrior: WHY YOU NOT HEAL ME!
Priest: No mana
Warrior: LOL N00b group I LEAVE NOW!!!!!!11111

Urge to kill rising.....

Priest: Uhhhh I have to go... uhhhhhh remove my chipmunk from the drier. Gotta go.

At this point I turned the keyboard on myself.

A bruised head and an hour later and I was ready for a 4 hour raid.

God bless WoW.

2006-10-22T14:15:00.000+01:00

Soo much geekery.....

As I write this I'm struggling not to writhe on the floor in sheer pleasure.

In fact I think I will

So where do I begin. Saturday the 14th. Went out and watched the history boys with such friends as little Alex, Wil and Mara to list a few. Not only is the movie friggin' brilliant afterwards we once again went filming.

This time, to Wil and my shotgun's credit, I was in a more major role.

Also, the lack of a horrific soundtrack (or any sound track at all for that matter) and hilarious silent film-esque subtitles could only have made it better.

Yes, I do look like a complete psycho but what do you expect the Mean Dream to look like?

Note also that I have female dream minions. This can only be a good thing.

This little jaunt to the outside however, was only the prelude to possibly the greatest day in my life.

My 18th birthday party.

We had 8, that's right folks 8 friggin' player Mario Kart. We had bottle upon bottle of hard liquor, 16 token beers or something. Soul Calibur, Smash bros, it was a veritable orgy of geekery. I had at least 5 shots before 3 in the afternoon. To put this into perspective, the party began at 1.

Shot number four

The results of shot number four

Yes folks, I actually remembered I was Indian.

What the hell?

And if you think it got better from there.... well you're mistaken. I drunk more, and more and more. And for you lightweights out there, not once was I sick, I never even got close. Well I might've got close, but I wasn't, so you all lose!

The rest of the evening is lost in a drunken haze. All I know is that guys were kissed, cigars were smoked and more videogames were played.

Kudos to Simon and Mark who win most insane present ever prize. A collosal red dragon pushes the "Jesus Saves T-shirt" from top spot.

But oooh no, that wasn't it.

Nooooo, a week of world of warcraft later and another party appeared on the horizon.

Ladies and Gentlemen. Thanks to the great Mara, provider of pizza, beer and all things pleasant, the star wars marathon of justice was attempted.

In admittedly a slightly more sober environment we attempted to watch every single star wars episode in a row.

Rather unfortunately, we were booted out of the house at midnight.

This meant that only 5 of a possible 6 episodes were watched.

However, we made up for this with geeky discussions about star wars novels, how much hotter dark side Anakin is, why Padme didn't pass her looks to Leia and later in the night, porn, with a slightly outlandish edge to it.

I never quite realised how evil Tom Dancaster is. He joins Mara and me in a triumverate of evil stationed on the leather couch of star wars.

After all that horrendous geekery, Nick Kassam's 18th is on the schedule tonight. My best wishes to him and Sophie Fenton who is sharing it as her 17th.

With that, happy Divali and happy new year to the lot of you.

I shall be celebrating in a typically pious hindu style.

Wake me up if I stop drinking.

2006-10-11T21:24:00.000+01:00

Today, I honour a most important day.

Perhaps the greatest day in the lives of all you pitiful mortals.

Birth of Christ? Naaaah. I'm bigger than Jesus.

Ascension of the prophet? True, he went straight to heaven but did he pwn level 60 warlocks? I think not.

That's right ladies and gentlemen, today is my birthday.

As it happens, my birthday is in the same month as GM Dave's birthday, yet more proof that October is the ultimate month.

So instead of the usual rant about WoW, ineptitude with girls or why other people suck, I'm going to rant about growing old.

I woke up today thinking, shit I'm 18 now. Shouldn't I feel all responsible and stuff? I mean the law thinks I'm responsible enough to drink. Note people, the law is also functionally retarded. I look back on my past years and think to myself, "Wow, I was such a damn noob." I mean really folks, at one point in my life I honestly thought that ghoul rush with a level 1 hero in Warcraft 3 was the way to win. We all of course know that a level 2 hero is the only way to go.

Back to the subject. In all seriousness, I then wonder to myself if I'd ever have changed anything about my life. Done something differently and honestly, I can't say I would've. Sure, I could wish for a better understanding of women, or more of a social life. But then I think, I wouldn't be me any more. I tried not being me once, not being me is fucking stupid, anyone who isn't me must go and throw themselves off a cliff for not having as good a life. Looking back on these 18 years, I realise, not only am I completely happy with my life, no matter how nerdy or pokemon fueled it may be, it bloody pwns.

I can do, ANYTHING and not lose social standing because of it, I can actually be the person I want to be without living up to other people's expectations. And why do I not care about other people's expectations?

One, very, very, simple reason.

Other people are noobs.

Learn this people and you learn the secret to eternal happiness.

After that oddly serious bit, back to the insanity.

Another person born in October, the great Tommy Dancaster, had a birthday party on the Saturday. Not only did I show up, I was actually invited. After discussion of the Alex club, which I apparently am in, the great Will decided to make a short film, which initially showed promise.

Unfortunately, Toby got involved.

The result being the Cannizarian Massacres

Note, I am the first tree sniper. Note also that due to my godliness I never actually die in the film. You may see another Asian dead, that is Sameer, my unholy clone who must be wiped from the earth. I have a bounty of two million imperial credits for the person that successfully brings me his rotting head.

Note also that I am not included in the credits. I have a bounty of ten million imperial credits for the person that successfully brings me Will's rotting head.

Finally, to those who gave me birthday beats, you're all complete pillocks. To those who gave me birthday hugs, you're brilliant.

You're also infected with the T-virus.

Raj out.

2006-09-29T19:26:00.000+01:00

Alright, quick, I'm a lazy fag update there are just a lot of hilarious links I need to post.

Penny Arcade mermaid hilarity

How to apply RPGs to real life situations

Weird Al craziness

Now that video isn't an accurate representation of the average nerd. We're all far too good for Myspace and Star Trek. The former is for emos and the latter for ancient people. I am also NOT white, which is another problem. Finally there were no mentions of WoW.

Speaking of WoW

For those who haven't watched it, the greatest WoW video I've seen.

2006-09-21T23:12:00.000+01:00

So last post (oh so long ago, blegh, laziness) I addressed PvP and general issues involving the classes.

To further your WoWducation, I'd like to introduce you to Daynadin, my 60 Dwarf Hunter.

Daynadin has a full Giantstalker set, meaning he gets various set related bonuses. It also means he kicks faaaar too much ass in PvP.

I mean it's scary, I can take on 3 guys at the same time and come out on top. They have to be crap, but I can do it.

Now Daynadin is on Sunstrider, a PvP server. Remember what I said last time kiddies? That's right, if you choose PvE, you're a carebear noob. You should go and cuddle a teddy bear while you fart kittens at one another.

Being on a PvP server, every so often, an idiot from the horde, well, horde are usually smarter than alliance (as if that's hard), but they're idiots for even daring to think they compare to me, attacks me from behind while I'm on low health and kills me.

There are a few things wrong with this.

1. I should never die without willing it to happen

2. Hordies should never touch me

3. They usually aren't shadowpriests.

I don't get angry though, oh no, I get even. I ressurect myself, stalk said hordie for as long as necessary and kill him when he's at his weakest.

After this, I dance on his corpse and proceed to camp him so that when he resses on half health and mana I can kill him again and again and again.

Did I mention, hunters have a function which lets them track enemies over 200 yards away, this means, he can't ressurect without me seeing it!

Ahh, but it isn't over yet. No.

To further enforce my authority I must engage in a sacred WoW ritual.

Humiliation on the forums

Fortunately this has been made extremely easy by the sunstrider community.

It is also customary to dipose of flamers ingame. And then post about how much they suck.

Note kiddies, this is NOT the same as whining on the forums about being ganked. If you whine about being ganked and expect people to stop you're a carebear PvE retard who chose the wrong server because he thinks he's hardcore. You are a n00b. You must crawl into a hole and die.

Some remember kids the magic cycle is:

Kill, Dance, Humiliate.

And they say video games make us violent.

2006-09-10T12:30:00.000+01:00

Having mentioned WoW so much, I've decided it's time for a WoW education theme in my blog.

Hopefully, I'll get you interested enough to try out that FREE sample to the right of this post. (Choose Sunstrider server, add the character Daynadin to your friends list)

We'll start off with a simple video, addressing PvP balance.

Why PvP balance?

Because PvE servers are for noobs.

That's right, if you elect to go onto a PvE server you're a retard crybaby who lacks any skill and can't fight for shit.

Seriously, when cross realm battlegrounds were released I realised how good PvP servers were.

Anyway I'm getting ahead of myself.

Here is a summary of PvP balance in WoW.

(Note, hunters are in the wrong category, they're rocks at 60)

Also for more WoW savvy people, how to PvP with a restoration druid.

2006-09-08T17:19:00.000+01:00

Guess what time it is?

That's right!

I'm being lazy filler time!

Ladies and Gentlemen.

Boys and Girls.

And the guys in the cheap seats at the back.

I give you, the one, the only,

HOFF!

2006-09-04T23:14:00.000+01:00

So where was I?

Ah right.

Girls.

Well, I say girls, I mean girl(s). Meaning that there were many girls, but only one that talked to me and didn't slap me in the face.

So I'm on holiday in Italy, with no alcohol, no video games, bitchy relatives and parents not sealed behind the door of justice. Naturally, I'm trying to drown myself in the swimming pool.

Now most people will realise that this is indeed a fruitless endeavour as I'll just go unconscious and float back to the surface. They forget one thing, I can't hear people underwater. Not hearing people is a good thing.

Of course, upon the realisation that death will keep me from WoW I surface. And there I see her, a girl, actually smiling at me.

Now let me give you an idea of what I'd been facing in Italy. Italian chicks are hot, I mean REALLY hot. (Apart from those fat 50 year old Godmother types) Now usually hot girls walking around in skimpy clothes is a good thing, a very good thing. In fact it's something I'd pay to see. However, as you will recall, I am sharing a room with my parents. My parents who insist I take a shower first because I take the least time.

So, I'm completely fucked, or not fucked, depending on how you look at it.

Anyway, so this girl is smiling at me. So, in truely pimping and heroic fashion, I smile back very slightly.

Now usually when I flirt with a girl, something along these lines happen.

1. I quote a video game, she asks me to explain and I go on a long ramble about how the quotation works. Girl walks off.

2. I struggle not to do number 1. and find I have nothing interesting to say.

3. I screw up royally

The girl says "hi."

Panic mode on.

Shit, shit, shit, shit.

"Hi"

That went surprisingly well.

So anyway, I start talking to her and it turns out she's not Italian, but English. She's smart, upper middle class and from south London. More importantly, she looked fucking hot in a wet clingy bikini.

Anyway, we seem to have clicked pretty well, more importantly, my parents have no idea of her existence.

Just out of curiosity I ask her what her exams were like and she mentions having an exam AFTER the holiday. In August. Now I'm no super genius but methinks information like this deserves further research.

I ask her where she goes to school.

"King's College" WELL SHIT. Things have taken a turn for the more complicated.

It turns out she's 19 at King's College London. Not a bloke, going to our school.

Now, I'm about to feign being a student and attempt to get some hot 2 years above me action, Ed Hebbourn style when my cousin shows up.

Goddamn.

"So Raj, you worried about your AS results, you know, because you're still in the 6th form. I mean those ASes are pretty easy if you ask my awesome self."

For the rest of the holiday I have to put up with my cousin attempting to flirt with her and her giving me accusing looks every time we crossed paths.

She ended up going out with one of the waiters.

My swimming pool induced suffocation made the rest of the holiday pass a lot faster.

2006-09-03T12:26:00.000+01:00

Yes, more filler because I'm lazy.

This one is for all the girl(s) that read my blog. Also, guys will probably find it hilarious as well.

John Cena explains the greatest pick up line a girl can use, ever. He also confirms that I am wasting my life.

As if I didn't know that already.

Enjoy.

2006-08-31T14:54:00.000+01:00

This needs to be linked, it simply does.

Supercat v Kim Jong Il

I don't know why I found it so hilarious, maybe it's the cat screwkicking a Korean dictator or maybe it's the fact that I actually went out yesterday, albeit for only half an hour, to buy Diablo 2 and LoD for the fun of it, but still, there was sunlight! SUNLIGHT! This can't be good for my brain. Really.

In other news

PvP is serious business

Anyway, in case you haven't realised, this is indeed, me being lazy filler.

2006-08-28T12:35:00.000+01:00

After that brief (if completely awesome) interlude, back to the holiday.

So I was on holiday in Italy.

Did I mention it was with my relatives?

Yes, that's right folks, my relatives.

Now let me tell you something about every last damn one of them. They're all complete bitches. If I do ANYTHING wrong, anything at all, they'll go and tell every person they know about it behind my back. (Yes I am aware of the irony of me bitching about them here)

This leaves me with two options, take it like a man and act normally or brood about it and glare at them whenever they talk to me, responding with monosyllabic answers that can't be misinterpreted. Now, I'd choose the former, really, except when I got back home I'd have to face my mother whining at me about how I didn't impress them.

Folks, this means that my mother PASSES the door of justice and not for whining at me about playing too much WoW. This is an abomination.

So there I was glaring at my relatives. Just as an aside, other than the bitching, they're nice people, but frankly dealing with family politics for 14 years of my life has made me rather annoyed with them, well that and this holiday was their idea in the first place.

Now I forgot to mention something. I can't drink here either for fear that my parents will kill me. Let me ask you something, what is the point in going on holiday if you can't get drunk out of your bloody mind? Someone? Anyone?

Everyone's seen the Simpson's Halloween special where they make fun of the shining right? "No TV and no beer make Homer go crazy" same sort of thing here.

I'm sitting in a corner about to go at my family with a hacksaw when my cousin comes up to me.

Now let me give you a little picture of my cousin, he's 22, studying law at UCL, really into the army and sports, he did one of those gap year exchange things with the Australians to teach a school sport. (People at Kings will know what I mean) Basically he's the guy I would never be friends with in school. Our conversations are limited to:

Him: Hi
Me: *Glare* Hi
Him: Army going well for you?
Me: *Glare* Haven't been promoted yet
Him: You know I was a staff sergeant in my last year, pity you can't be as good as me.
Me: *Glare* They found my plots for world domination disconcerting.
Him: You know our CCF is the best in the country, we're so hardcore, you know, I breezed through the first 2 years of OTC because I'm that damn good.
Me:*Glare* I completed Time Crisis 2 and 3. (I did as well, there were arcades in the resort, they were the only things that kept me alive)
Him: The shooting on that game isn't anywhere realistic enough
Me: *Glare, add to death list*

This might have vaguely been bearable if there was anything to do. Let me tell you what we did every night. We went shopping. Now I can understand if a guy takes his girlfriend on holiday and they go shopping on holiday every night. He finds it boring as hell, true, but he's in possession of one vital piece of knowledge.

Shopping makes women horny.

He's going to get laid.

Let me tell you the sum total of EVERYTHING I gained from 7 shopping trips. One three headed black dragon statuette (completely awesome yes, but I had it picked out 30 minutes into trip number 1, and my relatives bitched about it and me being too into this fantasy stuff) And the only people getting horny were *shudders* I won't even go into that.

No booze, no games, what was there left for me?

One word, beginning in "g" and ending in "irls".

2006-08-27T12:10:00.000+01:00

Mr. Kennedy confirms that myspace is for losers.

LOSER!

I'll update again a bit later today or tommorow. This is just me being lazy filler.

2006-08-21T17:21:00.000+01:00

So you're all wondering why the hell I've started a blog. No, I'm not trying to find a place to be emo and whine about how terrible my life is, I'd be using livejournal or myspace for that. No, I'm not trying to start a cult following which will end in world domination, my propaganda department is way ahead on that front. No, this blog has been started out of boredom. Specifically boredom in Italy.

About 10 days ago I was suddenly informed by my parents that I was going on holiday (ye gods, I'm not out of school yet, about 99% of all readers have now gone to read bannable offenses instead, but I'll amuse the rest of you weirdos) . I expressed concern about going on holiday. Read, I tried to stab them with a fork. Whilst I was being restrained they informed me that I'd agreed to it in Easter.

There are a few problems with this. 1. They imply that I would choose to go outside. 2. They imply that I would want to leave my computer for more than a couple of hours. (Yes folks, I do go out, if only to play more video games) 3. They imply that I enjoy wandering around seeing churches, when I'm not Christian, hell, they're not even Christians. Sure the architecture's nice and all but I have a little tool known as the internet. You know what the internet does? Lets me see things that are far away so I don't have to get off my ass. 4. They imply that I want to disrupt the system. Let me run you through the system.

Excuse the fuzziness of the image, I'm lazy as hell.

Note, me, on the left, in my room, with my computer. Note, my parents on the right. Now note the DOOR OF JUSTICE in between the two of us. It's a very simple system. I stay by my computer with said door closed, unless I need to go outside for food or the toilet. My parents conveniently stay on the OTHER side of the door and leave me alone. Occasionally they rant at me for playing too much WoW or not working hard enough. It's a good system, it means I don't have to talk to them. You know what a single hotel room with 3 beds means? NO door of justice. And can you guess what this means? Yes that's right folks, I have to talk with my parents. Why anyone would want to talk to their parents is beyond me. Don't get me wrong, I do love my parents. They're just boring as hell.

They then tell me that they asked while I was playing WoW. Mystery solved. So I found myself packing for Italy. DS, laptop, mobile, I might just live. Then I was told that we were going with my uncle and his family. All games were banned. The fork was unfortunately out of reach.

So I found myself on a plane bound for Italy. The horror of no video games and no computer for a full week.